To put it lightly, this year has been one hectic and stressful year. As soon as I found out about my daughter, I met her as soon as I could and started paying support and got her on my insurance. I couldn't stand the thought of my daughter not being taken care of. I have been seeing her regularly (at least every other weekend) since then. We have started developing a bond, although it has been slow going in that regard. Her mother has not made it easy, as she has discouraged our relationship and has manipulated my daughter into thinking that I don't need to be involved. All I am trying to do is make the best of the situation. I could have just not cared or have anything to do with my daughter, but that thought never even crossed my mind. I want to be there for her and love her and support her in every way possible. It breaks my heart that I missed out on soooo much of her childhood. I am at a disadvantage because of that also, as it is those early years that children develop a deep bond with their parents. Now she is starting to get to an age with friends are more important than parents.
I have since secured joint legal custody, and her mom maintains physical custody since we are 2 hours apart. I see my daughter often and have tried to take things slow with her, knowing that she is going through so much at a young age.
The one thing that has been difficult though is getting her to open up about her life and communicate better on the phone. Since I only see her every other weekend, my only means of keeping up with her is by phone, and she does have her own phone but is very bad at ever calling me or returning my calls and text messages. It is really tough not to have consistant contact with her. I know her Mom has told her she doesn't have to talk to me, and has never created an environment of good communication in her family, so that is also lacking in my daughter. I have tried to talk with her Mom about it, but I cannot her to reason on anything. She just doesn't care. I am looking for ways to get through to my daughter and get her to open up and start responding to my phone calls.
It is hard, as a normal parent you would hold your child accountable if they are disrespectful and don't return calls, but I am in a very odd predicament with my daughter as we just met and she has never been taught good manners.
Any suggestions?
Suggestion:
You're going to have to have a lot of patience. Don't expect your daughter to share a lot with you or be good at returning your calls just yet. What she needs is to just know that you love her unconditionally and will always be there for her. Keep your expectations low, and during your time with her, keep things relaxed. It will get better, but it might take a long time. Hang in there.
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